Things I'm Learning Along the Way

People are so confused and lost these days about relationships. They hurt one another, are harsh, critical and cynical of friends, partners and mates. It really makes me sad and I've even had a difficult time at times always being the best wife for my husband. Fortunately we realize our faults and talk about the situations that we are not our best in. I'm grateful that my husband and I communicate and work things out. Yes, at times we both want to be stubborn and prove the other wrong, sometimes just to be right, but then one or both of us realize that gets is nowhere and we kiss and make-up so to speak.
I recently downloaded a menstrual cycle tracking app because I have been so messed up in that department and there is of course a social networking component to it. Women can post and chat about all number of issues, situations, relationships, pregnancy, etc. I started looking at some posts and realized very quickly that too many people are in awful relationships. It made me sad and glad for my own situation at the same time.
In no way is my relationship perfect, nor are my husband and I perfect as individuals so I'm not gloating, but I'm grateful for what I have. They key is that both if us share the desire to please Jehovah and in turn that makes us want to work harder on our marriage because that glorifies Him and the arrangement he established. I honestly don't know how people survive without a shared set of beliefs and values. It definitely helps keep us in check, especially when as my husband tells me, I break into being a potty mouth.
It humbles and changes us both for the better when we realize we re being a bit out of hand.
The other reason this blog post was spurned on was after hearing friends talk about their relationships or marriages. As women I think we tend to focus on the negative things our husbands do instead of remember all the sweet and positive ways they improve our lives.
We analyze reasons and are angered when they don't buy us cards, flowers and gifts as if that validates the love they have for us. What we forget is that they surprised us with dinner, cards, gifts at random times. Sure, maybe it's not on an anniversary or special occasion but why should we think that is any less special? People need to wake up and realize that when we receive something unexpected that means that person was thinking about us! Isn't that good enough? Isn't that special? I think it is.
I'm not about to say we shouldn't have expectations but we need to stop thinking that life is like a stinking fairy tale romance and if our mates aren't up to par then we toss them out. I've been guilty of idealizing marriage and life many times. That's just what I do. I'm obsessed with Jane Austen and every BBC adaptation of her novels. I get carried away and over analyze my life. You know what that leads to? Frustration and discontent. It's not a good place. We can create our own happiness! Stop comparing human relationships and lives to fiction. It doesn't work if we won't stop.
Sure, my husband and I drive each other crazy at times and we argue and are unkind on occasion. We disagree, dispute, misunderstand and frustrate each other. But more than anything we love one another. Not just in word, but in deed. I am so happy that I chose him and he chose me. I'd rather be with him than any other person on this earth. He is one of the best men in the world I am sure. He is sweet, caring, kind and surprises me when I least expect it. He is a calming force in my life and helps me keep an cool head when I'm about to lose my mind. Our marriage is far from picture perfect(even though we re ridiculously good looking) but we both put the work in. I pray we continue to grow together and to work hard. I think I'll go home and tell my husband how much I truly appreciate him today and to let him know that he is loved.
*Excuse the grammar/spelling as I typed this on a break at work! ;)*

Learning Not to Idealize Everything

Wow! What a busy life I lead! I know I'm not the only one, but I realize I haven't blogged in forever.  I couldn't remember my password or how to blog for a moment to get into my dashboard!

The new job has proved to be quite overwhelming and has many ups and downs.  I do not miss the commute, but I do miss not dreaming about work and laying awake exhausted, but not being able to stop my obsessive worry about things at work. I feel like I haven't done anything creative in quite a long time!  Okay, it's not just a feeling, it's a fact.  I question my brain's ability to be used in a creative fashion lately.  Mainly because by the time I get home I just want to drink wine, think about working out and watch television with my husband.  I can't figure out why I've gained 15 pounds since getting married. It's a conundrum!  I cancelled my gym membership today....that is all.

I just looked at what I titled this blog entry.  I'd better get down to the nitty gritty and get serious here!  I think it is very clear what I am learning to do since getting married.  All my life I have been told by people to go with the flow, not worry, take it easy and the latest exclamation from Mr. G to "Just RELAX!"  I have a problem.  I constantly feel like I'm wound up real tight and even relaxing takes real effort.  Mr. G is always having to force me to just enjoy relaxing. I don't think I'm there yet.  If I go on vacation it takes me a while to actually realize I'm on vacation until I start relaxing and enjoy it.  Oh it's sad I know, poor me.

Ok, back on track, the title of this blog.  After being married for 8 months, I am really enjoying being married.  There have been many adjustments of living with someone who thinks differently than I do, but after I stopped idealizing what things should be like or how we should act or how much money we should have and threw those shoulds out the window I realized that I needed to stop focusing on some picture perfect newlywed life and just enjoy the new family that was created 8 months ago.
I have an amazing husband, who although leaves his socks in places that I don't understand, he is one of the most fun, loving, and helpful husband's ever! Of this I am sure.  He does things that I don't expect which is always nice, like taking me out for our 2 year anniversary of our first date and surprising me with a gift and a funny card. We often play intense (neither of us likes losing) card games at night and we have fun being together. There are a lot of other good things that I am enjoying about marriage, but it'd probably make everyone sick.  Basically, lesson during the first year is communication is very important and once I stopped trying to make everything perfect, I was able to really enjoy the new life that we are building together.

The Only Constant is Change

Only two more weeks and my commuting days are over!  Some people don't think it's a big deal to work 20 miles from their home and usually it's not.  But, when you live in LA, 20 miles means an hour to hour and a half to and from work.  Lately, it's been getting worse and summer is usually better when it comes to traffic.  
I have been wanting a change of pace for a while and when I didn't get a job in San Diego, I decided that I needed to look for something closer to home.  It's amazing how marriage can change priorities.  Hubby and I talked about it and prayed about it.  I talked about it a lot until finally my husband said that I either needed to start looking or just be resigned to my work situation and basically stop complaining.  The reality is that complaining does very little good if any.  You either have to work with what you've got or change the situation if you can.  So I started looking again, but closer to home. 
A few days later, while I was home with the dreaded conjunctivitis, I received two phone calls.  This was really exciting because I only applied to three places.  I went on both interviews and was offered a job with an insurance broker and benefits advisory as an Enrollment Specialist.  Not only that, but she thinks I will do better in a different position that will open in 3 months, so I'll be getting around the same that I get paid now.  Pretty exciting stuff if you ask me! You didn't ask?  Oh well, I just told you so there!
I am also extremely nervous because you never know what you are getting into with a new job. There is a lapse in pay because of where their payroll starts, health insurance waiting period, and of course all the other unknowns.  But, that really is with any major changes in life.  You don't really know until you're in the thick of it.  Some of the scariest decisions I have made, have been the best.  When I started my current job, I didn't think I would stay 6 months and now I'm a month shy of 3 years. I calculated all the time I sat in traffic over the last 2.9 years and it's over 1500...give or take a few. You're probably saying "Wow!" right now, either because you're amazed at the time spent commuting, or because I'm insane enough to have calculated that out in order to add fuel to the fire of how much I'm ready to leave this job. The new job has a lot more positives than I could find cons.  It is super close to home, interesting,  has room for growth, good for my sanity by not sitting forever in traffic, and good for spiritual activities! I am ready!  And yes I know every job has it's downsides, but I will make a point to remember all the good parts about it.  If I don't Hubby will surely remind me to think of the positives and not start jumping jobs! I have been known to do that, but I say if I can commute for 3 years then I can last at the new place!
Now the next dilemma is what to name my blog, since I won't be Parked on the Freeway any longer!

Updates on Life

I really enjoy staying home and not working.  And when I say really, I mean really.  Did the emphasis on how much I enjoy it come through?  Okay great! Now we can continue.  Monday I was sent home because I thought I had pink eye.  Yes, conjunctivitis, that highly contagious infection that I had for 4 days prior to being sent home from work, but thinking it was allergies or just a reaction to some eye makeup that I probably have been keeping for too long.  It's happened before and I was always able to get rid of it on my own.  So I figured, eh allergies, but better tell my boss I'm going to the doctor to be sure.  She got so freaked out and made me go home 30 minutes after I got to work. I went to an urgent care, near my work, so that way I could return if it was just allergies.  Nope! Time for some eye drops!  I'm pretty sure that a bunch of people at Dave and Buster's got pink eye because of me.  Sorry! Don't wave your fists at me!  I thought it was allergies! What adult gets pink eye that isn't around kids every day! Oh, apparently it's fairly common.  Two of my coworkers are now out as a result. I also had to throw away all of my eye makeup that I've been using. So I have a bathroom trashcan full of money, contaminated with conjunctivitis.  Oh Urban Decay Naked Pallette how I will pine for your loss! I should stop touching my face and eyes so much because there are a bunch of germs just waiting to infest people apparently.  Whoops!  Okay now where was I?  Oh yes, I like to stay home...I really do. 
I was home on Monday because of my disgusting eyes and I got quite a bit done! I think I have talked about this subject of wanting to be a stay-at-home wife before.  So I assume you get the point.  I finally put a few more things away that have been sitting around needing a home, organized some things, washed dishes, made dinner, talked my husband's ear off when all he really wanted to do was come home from work and relax.  Usually he has many hours to relax and get things done, but SURPRISE, I'm home from work because of my nasty eyes!  Yay!  Well, I was excited, a little too excited.  And frankly, he wanted to just catch up on some much needed sleep, so I was a little, okay a lot, annoying. 
So I finished up some stuff and attempted to read my copy of Les Miserables.  A paragraph seemed good enough before I lost interest and looked for something else to do.  After going around the apartment in circles, cleaning makeup brushes, snacking, filling out paperwork, I finally got dinner on.  I really should have gone for a run because I had the time and needed to get some of my overflowing energies out.  Instead I waited like a weird puppy for the husband to wake up and watched Miss Congeniality and Miss Congeniality-Armed and Dangerous. The first one is the best.  I know I need help. 
What else is going on?  Well, some truly exciting stuff could be on the horizon!  I don't know for sure yet, but I'll write an update as soon as I know.  I may no longer be parked on the freeway!  *wink wink*
Stay tuned for more and thank you to all my thousands (which means maybe 5 readers) for following my random wanderings of my mind and life.

The Newspaper Dilemma

My job is an interesting place in the universe.  I often wonder if anyone else has the same issues that I do at my job.  I'm sure they do. I often feel that I'm in a Twilight Zone episode, or maybe this is my own Groundhog Day movie, but instead of Bill Murray as the star, it is me.  Unfortunately I'm not acting, or am I?

Every morning I come to work and the newspaper is on the floor by the front door to the office.  Apparently I am the only one that can pick it up and put it on the table in the lobby.  I am also the only one that can take the old issues to the recycling.  You might be wondering if I get into the office before everyone else.  That would make sense and not be a dilemma.  I am the last one to get to the office in the mornings.

I did a little experiment this morning.  I was carrying a lot of stuff so I went to put it at my desk before going to pick up the paper.  Then I thought that I would leave the paper there and see if anyone would grab it and bring it in, considering the bathroom and elevators are all outside of the front door.  People came and went, came and went.  Did I spy anyone bringing in the newspaper?  You guessed correctly.  No! I finally went and brought it in since we have clients coming in and I want the lobby to look good and not have us looking like a bunch of lazy duds.

You should've seen the huge pile of papers that I came back to work piled on my desk and lobby table when I got back from my honeymoon.  It was plain ridiculous. Two weeks worth of weekday papers and weekend papers (and those are huge with sales flyers and coupons), it made me look like a hoarder with them all piled on my desk. I don't know why I expect people to have common sense and I suppose since I do sit at the front desk in the lobby it is assumed that it is my domain.  It is my domain! So leave it alone and don't mess it up! But, please pick up the paper when you see it.  Thanks. Oh and throw the old ones out if I'm not here.  Is that so hard?  Yes, yes it is extremely difficult.  Will I bring this up to anyone?  No I won't because basically it doesn't matter enough.  It only matters enough for me to write a blog and be baffled at people's lack of common sense or ability to notice the world around them. 

Newlywed Life

It's been a month and a few days since Mr. G and I were married and it's been interesting so far.  By interesting, I don't mean bad, so don't get crazy and start reading all kinds of negativity into the word "interesting."  Thanks.  I just mean it's been a trial and error kind of process.  I like routines and I haven't quite found what works for us yet.  I've also learned that I'm a bit of a control freak and used to doing things my own way.  There's a tiny problem with being that way and living with another person, especially a man. 
Men don't do things the way women think they should be done.  At least that's what I've experienced.  And it is vice versa with men (Mr. G) thinks I should do things a certain way and don't. 
I'm very slowly learning to change the way I normally do things and little by little learning to go with the flow.  It could take a decade or two, but maybe one of these days I'll be super easy going and understand the way my husband's brain works completely and he will understand mine.  Yeah. I know. I said MAYBE.

Although there are adjustments and things that I didn't expect about being married, I guess the best advice I could give for anyone about to get married or going down that path is to not expect anything. Pick your battles and don't worry about every little thing(because I do this, so I'm telling you not to because it's not worth the brain power). It's not like some fairy tale whirlwind, but I can say that it is awesome being married. It's nice to have a partner there to bounce ideas off of, discuss deep topics during family Bible study, laugh with, cuddle on the couch and watch movies with. 
It's nice to be a wife and take care of a home.  I NEVER thought that I would actually enjoy cleaning and ironing and cooking dinner.  I've discovered that I really like keeping my place very clean and having someone there that notices and appreciates it.  I used to let my bedroom get super messy and let it get really dusty before I couldn't take it anymore.  Now it drives me crazy and I can't wait to get everything put away and make everything sparkle and shine.  My car on the other hand is another story and looks like it got dirt dumped on it.
Marriage has made me appreciate my mother and working mothers more than I ever had the ability to before. I work far away from home and sometimes by the time I get home and if I cook dinner we won't eat until almost 8pm sometimes.  It really is the pits but that is life for now.  I admire mothers, especially single ones who have to work full time and then come home and take care of their children.  They must somehow put aside their exhaustion because I don't have kids and I can't even imagine how much work it is.  Just doing the usual things around our home and getting into a routine has been a feat in itself.  And when I come home and things aren't as I would like them to be, I become a major crankpot.  This is not nice for Mr. G. who has been waiting for me to get home and happy to see me, until I turn into a stressed out cranky person. He told me that isn't allowed anymore and that things would get done.  Which they do and they will. I'm learning.

So in my first month of being married it's great.  I love it all. I have a husband who balances out my crazy and I think I balance him out as well (you'd have to ask him). I love the good and not-so-good and most of all I am grateful to have Mr. G in my life and be our own new family now. :)  

Dreams, Anxiety and Stress! Oh My!

A few nights ago I had a really odd dream.  It was about the upcoming wedding and it was not a good one.  I woke up sweating and with an anxious knot in my chest.  It was rather funny in reality, but not funny in my subconscious dream state.  Let me relate how my rather minute stress level has escalated over the past weeks as the wedding gets closer. 
Originally things would stress me out and I would go run or work out or just be by myself for a while and it would solve my issues...for the time being.
Then there was the dream! Darn you stupid dream! I hate you subconscious!

The dream begins with me walking down the aisle, realizing I forgot my veil and turning around to go get it, but no on would let me.  The hall was rather empty and people were just milling about, not really concerned that the wedding was going on. I get to the front and the wedding talk has already begun and my fiance keeps telling me to calm down and relax.  My two brothers that walked me down the isle are doing a sort of Night at the Roxbury, Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell dance around me and getting in between Paul and I, saying "Oh maybe I should stand here, no wait, maybe over here." I am whisper yelling at them to sit down because they aren't supposed to be up there. My fiance looks blissfully unaware and the speaker isn't phased at all. 
I look around and come to the realization that there are no bridesmaids or groomsmen.  I wonder out loud where everyone is and get no response.  Next thing I know is that the ceremony is over and it's only 4:30(the time the real-life ceremony is supposed to start) and I start panicking because people are leaving for the reception, when they aren't supposed to get there until around 6. And everyone just keeps telling me to calm down and I am in this panicked/confused state!
Then I go over to meet my fiance's birth mom and am excited to meet her.  She looks at me, nods her head and says "oh..hey," then turns around and continues on her conversation with whoever she is talking to.
I don't remember the whole dream...that's basically it.  I just remember waking up sweating and ridiculously upset.

Fast forward a few more weeks, one extreme breakdown directed towards the fiance who was trying to take me out for a fun day and here I am now having anxiety about the bridal shower and wondering why people no longer understand what is traditional, expected, etiquette, or have common sense. It really boggles my mind. And by boggle, I mean sends me into fits of anxiety causing ridiculous crying, inability to understand jokes or teasing, sleepless nights, exhaustion and crankiness. 

But, wait!? Weddings are fun right!? Enjoy every minute they said, don't let anything stress you out, they said.  Too late. I throw my hands up! Now I get why people elope.
My aunt reminded me today that the most important part is when I begin walking down the aisle and see my wonderful soon to be husband smiling back at me.  It made me get all emotional because truly after all is said and done, and I'm done being super high strung and stressed out, I will be married to my favorite person in the world. All this craziness and insanity to come will all work out well, everyone will have a great time and I'll begin a new life with my wonderfully patient husband. 

Goal for this weekend: Do not freak out at the fiance, family, friends and if I should break down in tears of frustration or anxiety, I need to go to my room and get it over with.