Dreams, Anxiety and Stress! Oh My!

A few nights ago I had a really odd dream.  It was about the upcoming wedding and it was not a good one.  I woke up sweating and with an anxious knot in my chest.  It was rather funny in reality, but not funny in my subconscious dream state.  Let me relate how my rather minute stress level has escalated over the past weeks as the wedding gets closer. 
Originally things would stress me out and I would go run or work out or just be by myself for a while and it would solve my issues...for the time being.
Then there was the dream! Darn you stupid dream! I hate you subconscious!

The dream begins with me walking down the aisle, realizing I forgot my veil and turning around to go get it, but no on would let me.  The hall was rather empty and people were just milling about, not really concerned that the wedding was going on. I get to the front and the wedding talk has already begun and my fiance keeps telling me to calm down and relax.  My two brothers that walked me down the isle are doing a sort of Night at the Roxbury, Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell dance around me and getting in between Paul and I, saying "Oh maybe I should stand here, no wait, maybe over here." I am whisper yelling at them to sit down because they aren't supposed to be up there. My fiance looks blissfully unaware and the speaker isn't phased at all. 
I look around and come to the realization that there are no bridesmaids or groomsmen.  I wonder out loud where everyone is and get no response.  Next thing I know is that the ceremony is over and it's only 4:30(the time the real-life ceremony is supposed to start) and I start panicking because people are leaving for the reception, when they aren't supposed to get there until around 6. And everyone just keeps telling me to calm down and I am in this panicked/confused state!
Then I go over to meet my fiance's birth mom and am excited to meet her.  She looks at me, nods her head and says "oh..hey," then turns around and continues on her conversation with whoever she is talking to.
I don't remember the whole dream...that's basically it.  I just remember waking up sweating and ridiculously upset.

Fast forward a few more weeks, one extreme breakdown directed towards the fiance who was trying to take me out for a fun day and here I am now having anxiety about the bridal shower and wondering why people no longer understand what is traditional, expected, etiquette, or have common sense. It really boggles my mind. And by boggle, I mean sends me into fits of anxiety causing ridiculous crying, inability to understand jokes or teasing, sleepless nights, exhaustion and crankiness. 

But, wait!? Weddings are fun right!? Enjoy every minute they said, don't let anything stress you out, they said.  Too late. I throw my hands up! Now I get why people elope.
My aunt reminded me today that the most important part is when I begin walking down the aisle and see my wonderful soon to be husband smiling back at me.  It made me get all emotional because truly after all is said and done, and I'm done being super high strung and stressed out, I will be married to my favorite person in the world. All this craziness and insanity to come will all work out well, everyone will have a great time and I'll begin a new life with my wonderfully patient husband. 

Goal for this weekend: Do not freak out at the fiance, family, friends and if I should break down in tears of frustration or anxiety, I need to go to my room and get it over with.

Wedding Planning

I am getting married in 4 months! Go me!  Planning a wedding is many things and most of them are exciting.  It is also very stressful.  I think I have been doing a decent job of keeping it together, although I've definitely had my moments and I'm sure to have more as things progress.  Fortunately, I started planning the nuptials well before the engagement.  You may think that is jumping ahead, but I consider it smart.  Unlike some people who are surprised by an engagement (I was surprised when it actually happened), I was not surprised that he wanted to marry me.  My fiance and I had been planning on getting married months before the actual engagement.  That really helped because I have been getting things done rather quickly and painlessly.

I am extremely thankful for the amazing people involved in the process.  My mother, who without her the wedding would not be as fabulous as it's going to be.  My level-headed fiance, who has kept me laughing, kept me calm and patiently dealt with my emotional ups and downs.  And my fabulous group of bridesmaids who are so easy-going and supportive it's almost unreal.  Then there are the rest of my family and friends who have been offering help, planning showers and just there for anything.

There have been and I'm sure will be more bumpy moments dealing with situations related to the wedding, but listed below are some choice moments that will surely give you a good chuckle.

• Asking my fiance for his thoughts on cake and favors, and then getting mad at him for giving his input (because it was different from my idea). Go me! Fail.
• When asked about linens and chair decorations I got so overwhelmed that I told my mom I needed to go running. She got a laugh out of it, but I really was a much nicer person when I got back. Yay! Bridezilla moment averted!
•  Getting anxious when picking out bridesmaids dresses so I started sweating.  I hate asking people to spend money on something.

• Getting anxious when telling the cake designer what I wanted on my cake because I had to act like an adult. What am I a toddler? Tell the man what you want!  Can you tell I have a little issue with anxiety? Lame.

Overall, I do have to say that this is one of the most fun and exciting times, despite the stress that comes with it.
Stay tuned for more fun stories to come!