Things I'm Learning Along the Way

People are so confused and lost these days about relationships. They hurt one another, are harsh, critical and cynical of friends, partners and mates. It really makes me sad and I've even had a difficult time at times always being the best wife for my husband. Fortunately we realize our faults and talk about the situations that we are not our best in. I'm grateful that my husband and I communicate and work things out. Yes, at times we both want to be stubborn and prove the other wrong, sometimes just to be right, but then one or both of us realize that gets is nowhere and we kiss and make-up so to speak.
I recently downloaded a menstrual cycle tracking app because I have been so messed up in that department and there is of course a social networking component to it. Women can post and chat about all number of issues, situations, relationships, pregnancy, etc. I started looking at some posts and realized very quickly that too many people are in awful relationships. It made me sad and glad for my own situation at the same time.
In no way is my relationship perfect, nor are my husband and I perfect as individuals so I'm not gloating, but I'm grateful for what I have. They key is that both if us share the desire to please Jehovah and in turn that makes us want to work harder on our marriage because that glorifies Him and the arrangement he established. I honestly don't know how people survive without a shared set of beliefs and values. It definitely helps keep us in check, especially when as my husband tells me, I break into being a potty mouth.
It humbles and changes us both for the better when we realize we re being a bit out of hand.
The other reason this blog post was spurned on was after hearing friends talk about their relationships or marriages. As women I think we tend to focus on the negative things our husbands do instead of remember all the sweet and positive ways they improve our lives.
We analyze reasons and are angered when they don't buy us cards, flowers and gifts as if that validates the love they have for us. What we forget is that they surprised us with dinner, cards, gifts at random times. Sure, maybe it's not on an anniversary or special occasion but why should we think that is any less special? People need to wake up and realize that when we receive something unexpected that means that person was thinking about us! Isn't that good enough? Isn't that special? I think it is.
I'm not about to say we shouldn't have expectations but we need to stop thinking that life is like a stinking fairy tale romance and if our mates aren't up to par then we toss them out. I've been guilty of idealizing marriage and life many times. That's just what I do. I'm obsessed with Jane Austen and every BBC adaptation of her novels. I get carried away and over analyze my life. You know what that leads to? Frustration and discontent. It's not a good place. We can create our own happiness! Stop comparing human relationships and lives to fiction. It doesn't work if we won't stop.
Sure, my husband and I drive each other crazy at times and we argue and are unkind on occasion. We disagree, dispute, misunderstand and frustrate each other. But more than anything we love one another. Not just in word, but in deed. I am so happy that I chose him and he chose me. I'd rather be with him than any other person on this earth. He is one of the best men in the world I am sure. He is sweet, caring, kind and surprises me when I least expect it. He is a calming force in my life and helps me keep an cool head when I'm about to lose my mind. Our marriage is far from picture perfect(even though we re ridiculously good looking) but we both put the work in. I pray we continue to grow together and to work hard. I think I'll go home and tell my husband how much I truly appreciate him today and to let him know that he is loved.
*Excuse the grammar/spelling as I typed this on a break at work! ;)*

Learning Not to Idealize Everything

Wow! What a busy life I lead! I know I'm not the only one, but I realize I haven't blogged in forever.  I couldn't remember my password or how to blog for a moment to get into my dashboard!

The new job has proved to be quite overwhelming and has many ups and downs.  I do not miss the commute, but I do miss not dreaming about work and laying awake exhausted, but not being able to stop my obsessive worry about things at work. I feel like I haven't done anything creative in quite a long time!  Okay, it's not just a feeling, it's a fact.  I question my brain's ability to be used in a creative fashion lately.  Mainly because by the time I get home I just want to drink wine, think about working out and watch television with my husband.  I can't figure out why I've gained 15 pounds since getting married. It's a conundrum!  I cancelled my gym membership today....that is all.

I just looked at what I titled this blog entry.  I'd better get down to the nitty gritty and get serious here!  I think it is very clear what I am learning to do since getting married.  All my life I have been told by people to go with the flow, not worry, take it easy and the latest exclamation from Mr. G to "Just RELAX!"  I have a problem.  I constantly feel like I'm wound up real tight and even relaxing takes real effort.  Mr. G is always having to force me to just enjoy relaxing. I don't think I'm there yet.  If I go on vacation it takes me a while to actually realize I'm on vacation until I start relaxing and enjoy it.  Oh it's sad I know, poor me.

Ok, back on track, the title of this blog.  After being married for 8 months, I am really enjoying being married.  There have been many adjustments of living with someone who thinks differently than I do, but after I stopped idealizing what things should be like or how we should act or how much money we should have and threw those shoulds out the window I realized that I needed to stop focusing on some picture perfect newlywed life and just enjoy the new family that was created 8 months ago.
I have an amazing husband, who although leaves his socks in places that I don't understand, he is one of the most fun, loving, and helpful husband's ever! Of this I am sure.  He does things that I don't expect which is always nice, like taking me out for our 2 year anniversary of our first date and surprising me with a gift and a funny card. We often play intense (neither of us likes losing) card games at night and we have fun being together. There are a lot of other good things that I am enjoying about marriage, but it'd probably make everyone sick.  Basically, lesson during the first year is communication is very important and once I stopped trying to make everything perfect, I was able to really enjoy the new life that we are building together.