A few nights ago I had a really odd dream. It was about the upcoming wedding and it was not a good one. I woke up sweating and with an anxious knot in my chest. It was rather funny in reality, but not funny in my subconscious dream state. Let me relate how my rather minute stress level has escalated over the past weeks as the wedding gets closer.
Originally things would stress me out and I would go run or work out or just be by myself for a while and it would solve my issues...for the time being.
Then there was the dream! Darn you stupid dream! I hate you subconscious!
The dream begins with me walking down the aisle, realizing I forgot my veil and turning around to go get it, but no on would let me. The hall was rather empty and people were just milling about, not really concerned that the wedding was going on. I get to the front and the wedding talk has already begun and my fiance keeps telling me to calm down and relax. My two brothers that walked me down the isle are doing a sort of Night at the Roxbury, Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell dance around me and getting in between Paul and I, saying "Oh maybe I should stand here, no wait, maybe over here." I am whisper yelling at them to sit down because they aren't supposed to be up there. My fiance looks blissfully unaware and the speaker isn't phased at all.
I look around and come to the realization that there are no bridesmaids or groomsmen. I wonder out loud where everyone is and get no response. Next thing I know is that the ceremony is over and it's only 4:30(the time the real-life ceremony is supposed to start) and I start panicking because people are leaving for the reception, when they aren't supposed to get there until around 6. And everyone just keeps telling me to calm down and I am in this panicked/confused state!
Then I go over to meet my fiance's birth mom and am excited to meet her. She looks at me, nods her head and says "oh..hey," then turns around and continues on her conversation with whoever she is talking to.
I don't remember the whole dream...that's basically it. I just remember waking up sweating and ridiculously upset.
Fast forward a few more weeks, one extreme breakdown directed towards the fiance who was trying to take me out for a fun day and here I am now having anxiety about the bridal shower and wondering why people no longer understand what is traditional, expected, etiquette, or have common sense. It really boggles my mind. And by boggle, I mean sends me into fits of anxiety causing ridiculous crying, inability to understand jokes or teasing, sleepless nights, exhaustion and crankiness.
But, wait!? Weddings are fun right!? Enjoy every minute they said, don't let anything stress you out, they said. Too late. I throw my hands up! Now I get why people elope.
My aunt reminded me today that the most important part is when I begin walking down the aisle and see my wonderful soon to be husband smiling back at me. It made me get all emotional because truly after all is said and done, and I'm done being super high strung and stressed out, I will be married to my favorite person in the world. All this craziness and insanity to come will all work out well, everyone will have a great time and I'll begin a new life with my wonderfully patient husband.
Goal for this weekend: Do not freak out at the fiance, family, friends and if I should break down in tears of frustration or anxiety, I need to go to my room and get it over with.
No comments:
Post a Comment